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Is there Gain from Pain?

7/15/2022

2 Comments

 
Picture
You’ve lost your job or lost your girlfriend or lost your mind. But you’re stronger afterwards when you get a better job, a more mature girlfriend, or a healthier mental attitude. Maybe you’ve even grown spiritually.
         
But are people really stronger psychologically after significant suffering? In relevant research, participants believed that their adversity had positive personal results; but, post trauma, their anxiety and distress actually increased. Why?

There’s a well-established American trope that “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” An example is the super-hero movie, in which the hero has to overcome some set-back or adversity before he can continue his career. But when real people suffer some personal reverse, they often don’t feel stronger. They feel anxious because they haven’t experienced strength after adversity; they are distressed because they haven’t met the American expectation that there’s “gain from pain.” So, they lie—both to themselves and the researcher. “Yes, I’m a better person,” they say.

However, there’s a subset of people in this research who really have changed significantly. Perhaps they’ve acquired a new attitude toward life or a new way to frame and cope with misfortune. Perhaps they’ve discovered a new spirituality. What’s the difference between people who are somehow transformed and people who remain the same?
Well, the difference lies in how the personal calamity is processed. Those who are genuinely transformed have reflected on their personal setback. They’ve asked themselves what meaning the adversity might have in their lives. They’ve consciously thought about what happened to them.

And that’s the Quaker way, isn’t it? Friends center down and allow the Inner Light to illuminate their suffering. They search for meaning, even in the sorrows of life. Friends have the spiritual tools necessary to realize some gain from pain.

(My article is based on an episode from the Hidden Brain podcast: What We Gain from Pain.)

 ~ Richard Russell        

2 Comments
Donald Lathrop
7/21/2022 09:33:50 pm

The joy of suffering. Hmmmm? I'm quite sure that there can be positive ways to cope with suffering. I'm also aware of the many suicides that exist and hope that the despondent among us can grow through it to new sets of possibilities.

Don

One of the lucky ones.

Reply
Richard Russell
7/28/2022 01:18:18 pm

Hi, Don.

Suffering often has no joy in it and only leads to a bad end. But, it's true that sometimes suffering leads to greater empathy with others. Franklin D. Roosevelt's polio and Abraham Lincoln's depression strengthened their empathy and sympathy for others.

Again, suffering is not something we should seek out. Everybody has enough pain in life to not need looking for more.

Richard

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    ​This blog was set up to post content of interest to Old Chatham Quaker members and attenders. Posts related to one's own personal spiritual journey, reports based on interviews with others, and reflections on Quaker-related topics are welcome. Posts by individuals are personal expressions and do not necessarily reflect those of the Meeting as a whole.
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