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Silence Is Golden?

1/27/2023

4 Comments

 
Picture
Of course, it all depends on context. In married life, it’s pointless to argue over trivialities, but suppose the issue is important. If I don’t bring it up with my wife because I want to avoid an argument, I may feel quietly resentful. My wife will probably sense that resentment and withdraw emotionally from me. Then I feel more resentful and withdraw in turn. So begins a never-ending cycle of marital damage.

Better to calmly present my grievance and come to some resolution of the problem. Of course, if the issue can’t be resolved, open discussion may also impact the marriage negatively. If there are enough unresolved problems, outing those problems could—admittedly—result in divorce.

A similar dynamic applies to liberal Quaker meetings, where members hold a variety of diverse spiritual beliefs. To preserve equanimity in the meeting, Friends may not divulge their inmost thoughts; but the result is probably a hurtful emotional distancing among members.

Better to allow beliefs to show themselves in vocal ministry or in group discussions so that members come to know one another more intimately. Better to embrace transparency and vulnerability so that Friends can profit from different viewpoints and find the same God or Depth from which all those spiritualities flow. Better to risk honesty, which is—after all—a bedrock Quaker virtue. Yes, open discussion may result in separation and members withdrawing from the meeting, but the alternative is a simmering, hidden conflict.

~ Richard Russell   

 
4 Comments
Rebecca McBride
2/3/2023 04:38:14 pm

Very well put, Richard.

Reply
Richard S Russell
2/6/2023 08:14:40 am

Thank you, Rebecca.

Reply
Donald Newman Lathrop
2/3/2023 08:14:16 pm

HI Richard,

This was a very interesting reflection. I hope it doesn't suggest a serious wedge in your marriage. You both are good people and that should help you survive well in the long run.

As to meeting, we seem to be on one side of "God issues" but I don't think we feel rejected because of that, though perhaps it may be so. We've been going to Meeting for more than 50 years and have never felt feelings of rejection. Perhaps we are just not sensitive enough. Well, we'll see how things go.

We hope you have been able to deal well with the Texas weather we've been reading about. It's about 10 degrees below zero here just now.and the wind is occasionaly fierce.
Tomorrow afternoon is supposed to be better.

Peace,
Don

Reply
Richard S Russell
2/6/2023 08:22:54 am

Hi, Don.

Zoila and I are doing fine. We've learned to live with each other's imperfections.

I don't sense any serious rifts among Old Chatham members although some members/attenders are relatively quiet.

As to you and Merry, I don't think you could be more respected at OCMM than you are. I've only heard positive comments about you from others.

In fact, considering your 50 years of participation at Old Chatham and the general esteem in which you are held, I'd have no problem recommending you for formal membership in the meeting! :)

Richard

Reply



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    ​This blog was set up to post content of interest to Old Chatham Quaker members and attenders. Posts related to one's own personal spiritual journey, reports based on interviews with others, and reflections on Quaker-related topics are welcome. Posts by individuals are personal expressions and do not necessarily reflect those of the Meeting as a whole.
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